I have wanted to write this blog for so long and it was one of the main reasons I set up this blog because I wanted to share my struggle with anxiety and worrying, how it affected me and my coping methods.
Worrying is something that has affected me most of my teen years, when I was younger I worried about small things like running out of favourite cereal and silly things like that. My mum gave me a little book to write my worries in and then I’d put it on her pillow and it helped, but once I got to about 16 the worries got worse and I can’t quite remember what they were but at the time they felt pretty bad and at that point I didn’t have any coping strategies so I would email my mum my worries and for me it helped telling someone. I felt so ashamed because my worries to me felt stupid and I worried how people would react so subsequently I sent my worries via email to my mum because I couldn’t bring myself to tell her face to face.
What I’m about to tell you now is something I have never shared before only with my family and very close friends. It started in the year of 2013 and I remember the day very clearly, it started off good I was cleaning my room (I know most people hate tidying up but I don’t mind it is that normal?) and my family were going out and I just remember the thought popping into my head what if there’s not a toilet??? And I couldn’t stop thinking about it and subsequently I had to go and I remember not being sure where it is and I started to panic because I was so desperate and I was worried I wouldn’t be able to hold it till I got home but thankfully I found it. That’s where it started and wherever I would go I’d worry about it and that made me not want to go out but I manage to find a couple of methods to help and what I would do is try and think of the things I love like my dog or going on holiday and that help to take my mind off it, after a few situations going well I felt okay going out. And one day it somehow disappeared and I was fine.
It’s something I have struggled on and off from 2013 to present and it would last a few months and it would go but as I’ve got older it got in the way and I would feel so ashamed for having this issue and I had to find a better solution so when it came back in the middle of 2016 I had to take action so first I went to the doctors to check there wasn’t an underlying problem and I had to go for a ultra sound of my bladder so I had to drink quite alot of liquid which was such a big deal for me but I did it and thankfully it was okay but it left me feeling confused and lost, what do I do next? So, I searched on the Internet and found a few helpful suggestions and one was to write a journal so that’s what I have been doing since the 25th October 2016 and it helps writing all my feelings and worries down, I write in it religiously every night. I also had a talk with my mum face to face and she said I need to think positive and good things will happen and every day I try to think positive about the things that worry me.
My methods that have helped me are writing my worries down in my journal as it helps me to let it all out and to keep a record of my worries so if I want I can reflect back on it, as hard as it sounds thinking positive helps me and every negative worry I have I think of the positives in each one. When I over analyse a situations I think about what parts are making me feel worried and anxious and I think of a solutions for each one as I then know there’s always a solution. Depending on the worry depends who I’ll because sometimes I feel more comfortable telling a certain person.
I never cast myself with having anxiety until I got older and certain situations would made me feel so on edge and reading peoples stories of how anxiety made them feel I found myself thinking I feel like that sometimes too so I decided to look up the symptoms I'd been having which includes.
I don’t feel like that all the time but when I feel extremely worried and anxious about something I will get usually one or all of those symptoms and I hate feeling like that and that’s another worry in itself.
My coping mechanism for my anxiety were the same as my worrying but when I’d feel so overwhelmed I will close my eyes try to think of the positive and tell myself to inhale all the positives and exhale the worries and they help.
For me personally I have a few regular worries like new situations scare me because I don’t know what to expect and the unknown scares me because I don’t know how prepared I should be. If I want something to be perfect I usually feel pretty anxious because I don’t want to ruin it by not feeling well. Usually my worries come from either not wanting to feel unwell I.e. any of the symptom’s above, having an upset stomach and needing a wee a lot in situations, these things are what most of my worries come from.
When I’m out in public I often think people look at people and know I have these problems or I’ll look at them and think do they suffer from worrying and anxiety because sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who worries about the toilet or not feeling well and it makes me feel like I’m crazy.
My family have been a huge support and help to me and I can't thank them enough.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be worry free but all I can do is try to manage each of my worries and for them to not affect my life I try every day to face my worries head on and for my worrying and anxiety not to dictate my lifestyle .
I hope that someone can to relate to this and for it to help someone who is suffering from either worrying, anxiety or both.
All my love